1 year ago

It was one year ago that we met Harper for the first time.  The little girl in 5 layers of clothing didn't know us, but she was the missing piece to our family.

I've been looking back over the blog from that day  we met her, and my heart just breaks.   It was such a great day for us, but for her, I see the sadness in her eyes.  The sadness that I somehow missed - or just did not want to remember.  There was so much going on that day..... in the office building where we were, and in my own thoughts, that I guess I did not really see what  I see now.

I see the little girl we picked up that day, and she's scared.  She was being handed over to people she didn't know AND to people who didn't look like anyone she had seen before.    She was scared, but she didn't cry.  Just a whimper came out.  A whimper so sad, you wanted to cry for her.

I see the eyes of the little girl we picked up that day, and they lack the joy that every 2 year old should have.

It's these  pictures that make my heart hurt because that's what I see the most....  her eyes.

It makes me sad that I wasn't there for her in her first 2 years of her life, and that she had to go through all that she's gone through.... without a family.
I was filling out paperwork for one of her doctor appointments, and they asked all the normal questions you would expect.  In fact, I had answered these 'normal' questions before when I filled out the exact paperwork when our boys were little.

Only this time, most of the answers were blank.

I don't know how much she weighed at birth.

I don't know if she was full term, or was born early.

I don't know when she began to babble,  or when she first sat unassisted, crawled, or walked.

I.  don't.  know.

That sucks.


Just when I was feeling so sorry for her and feeling that she didn't know love before we got her,  God proves me wrong..... through facebook of all things!

I was scrolling though Facebook a couple of days ago, actually on the 1st anniversary of her Gotcha Day (and shortly after I started this post), and a friend had 'liked' Love Without Boundaries page.  Love Without Boundaries is who performed Harper's first cleft repair surgery, so I decided to 'like' the page as well.

I noticed they had posted pictures of kids they are helping currently, so I wondered if Harper had ever made the page.  I scrolled, and scrolled... and scrolled some more until I came to about the time she would have been there, July of 2011.  I thought it might be a long shot since I'm sure they help SO many babies and children, but I kept scrolling.

And then I found this......

It's Harper!!  I know it's her because we have that exact same picture.  The day we got Harper, we got the ultimate gift of a little photo book someone had been keeping of her, and this same picture was in there.  This picture is of her and foster mom.  

Oh my goodness!!!!  There she was!  I screamed and Scott and the boys came running to see what I was looking at.  We were all staring at it in shock!  Love Without Boundaries gives all their babies/children western names to protect their identity, so her name was Shayna.  That was the first time we had ever heard that.  

The picture of her and her foster mom was when she 'graduated' from her Cleft Healing Home into foster care.  Since that was when she was leaving the program, I wondered if there might be other pictures of when she first came to Love Without Boundaries....

And I find these!!!!!!

WHAT?!?!!?  

You could imagine our JOY when we saw pictures of her as a baby.  We have some pictures of her as a baby in the little photo book we were given, but not these pictures! 

The one that jumped out at me was the one of her during tummy time.  She's smiling and looking like any 6 month old would.

Then it hit me.

She WAS loved.  

She was loved when she was chosen for surgery through Love Without Boundaries.  She was also loved by the doctors that performed her surgery.

She was loved by the nannies at the Cleft Healing Home.

And, she was loved by her foster mom.  

God showed me this right when I needed it.  As always, His timing is perfect.  

I contacted Love Without Boundaries and told them "Shayna" was now Harper, and she was ours.  They told me I could get the records and pictures they had on her, and of course I jumped on it.  I cannot wait to see what information they may have that we don't know.

It won't have her birth weight in that information, we'll never know that, but we have SO much more information on her that most do not have on their adopted children.

For that, I am beyond grateful.